I am sitting in a library with a pack of almonds, some dark rye wraps, and hummus. This is because I want to sit and expand this folio without seeing the rest of me expand at the same time. So I’ve gone full protein and self-loathing and bought myself those snacks that beautiful people eat so that I can pretend I’m not thinking about burgers (plural) and fries.
Good. I’ll feast on my own honesty for now.
Incidentally, you’ll be happy to know that I have invented the perfect snack. By invented I mean I have the idea of it in my head and just need someone with any sort of actual knowledge in the field to labour over the execution. It is a healthy snack, without being so healthy that you put it in your bag with a grimace under your vibrant and healthy exterior that has stopped eating all those um.. Toxic things you know? Crucially, it has some bad shit in it. The bad stuff with the good intentions. You know the ones – coconut sugar, rapeseed oil. I’m groaning at myself as I write this. However I also really want a snack that doesn’t make me want to set myself on fire instead of enduring it for the sake of my waistline. Please and thank you.
The snacks are called No Remorsels.
No Remorsels
Mostly Good.
They are designed to toe the line between healthy and enjoyable. I will hear, at this point, not a word from the healthy kids who tell me they could eat carrots until Earth is consumed by the sun, nor the naysayers who say healthy and tasty are mutually exclusive. The fact is, both of these extremes need to be disregarded if we are to create something that satisfies my current desire to eat everything in my field of vision (those wraps I talked about earlier? Almost three of them are gone) and stay nourished within health industry guidelines. Compromise is key, and these are for the person who likes their wholesome with a side of mischief.
So, No Remorsels came into my head. Loaded with protein and fibre, they are supplemented with sugars and fats that are neither in excess, nor derived from evil places (forget your refined sugars and palm oils). They are for the person who understands that their craving for a salty, sugary, or, if feeling very naughty, umami flavour, can be answered healthily if they allow themselves to compromise. My belief is that your average person can accept that condition if the health benefits and the extent to which they are nourished vastly outperform less healthy but objectively more tasty alternatives. The product will have both sweet and salty options.
So, why the name No Remorsels?
Despite the very cheeky pun that marries ‘remorse’ and ‘morsel,’ what is also brought to mind is the phrase ‘No Remorse’ which is used when commenting on sinful behaviour with an obvious absence of guilt or regret. This is of course because, the snack being deceptively nourishing, there should be none from the person consuming. The other angle is the more sarcastic one employed by the consumer: they are choosing to satisfy their craving for a more sinful snack rather than throwing themselves into 100% guilt-free martyrdom.
Some other taglines that came to mind to sit under the product name were:
No Remorsels
A cheekier way to snack.
No Remorsels
Guilt-free, almost.
No Remorsels
What you need, with a bit of what you want.
The product would have a bit of content on the back (I envisage a paper bag with a fairly minimalist theme but I am no designer) to explain the product to the reader and communicate with them on a highly personal level. Ideally, a number of different texts would exist and be printed on packs that appear on shelves at the same time. They create an incentive for buyers to pick the bag up to read them, and, ideally, not put them back. Texts would have the following feel:
No carrots today? Naughty. We both know why you’re here. You’ve got an itch that needs scratching but you won’t cave in to potato chips. You’re better than that now. Cast aside those calorie-dense snacks of yore and get stuck into us instead. Go on. We’re every bit as bad as we look. What’s that? Oh, we know we look good too. Who says you can’t have it all?
Oh, hello. A shameless hunt for the dietary information we see. It’s all there, pal. Protein, fibre, all the good stuff. But you’re not here to be good, are you? The chocolate bars have dazzled you with their bright colours and sugary embrace and you’ve escaped just long enough to find another way. Allow us to introduce ourselves. You’ve been too good not to be a little bit bad..
Now, naturally, I believe I missed my calling as a snack food developer. Perhaps I just need to eat lunch, though.
nikki berto 